By 'Gbenga Bankole
The Secretary, Ikeji III Conference Planning Committee, Pastor C.V. Hulda has said God instituted marriage and there is no way one can get it right except knowing God through discipleship.
He also said knowing the Creator of marriage (God) is the key to a successful marriage.
Pastor Hulda stated this while ministering on the topic "Discipleship: The Process of a Blissful Marriage" on Thursday September 8, 2022 at 2022 International Youth Conference, Ikeji III Conference Centre, Ikeji-Arakeji, Osun State.
"It therefore means that any Christian who has not undergone discipleship cannot live a serious Christian or spiritual life. He/she cannot become spiritually sound or committed to Christ. Such is a carnal Christian who is not committed to living his/her life according to the standard of the Scriptures. Getting married to such a person is tantamount to unequal yokes which will produce a lot of problems while marital bliss will be far from him/her," he said.
The Clergyman said discipleship means intimate spiritual relationship with God through Jesus Christ, adding that "for a brother or sister who is a disciple to marry someone who does not have this spiritual intimacy with God will surely create a barrier or gap in the marriage. Therefore, if you are a Christian disciple, you should not consider marrying a person who does not have the same commitment to Christ. If you do, either your relationship with your spouse or your relationship with Christ will be seriously threatened."
According to him, carnality will bring in a lot of problems into marriage, noting that most frictions and conflicts in marriage are products of carnality.
He further explained that "a brother or sister who has not been properly discipled is a carnal person full of manifestations of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21). Such will bring great marital crises to your home. For example: such couples will witness issues like telling of lies to each other, willful stubbornness/rigidity, secrecy and hidden agenda, moments of anger and negative utterances, malice, lack of forgiveness, extra marital affairs, domestic abuse etc. It takes a brother who is a genuine disciple of Christ to display sincere Christ like love to his wife and not be given to selfishness (Ephesians 5:25). It also takes a sister who is a genuine disciple to display Godly submission to her husband without being stubborn or rebellious to the authority of the man(Unfortunately, as single brothers and sisters, you cannot fully understand the meaning of these statements until you begin to experience practical challenging situations in your marriage).
"The call to discipleship is a call to self denial (Luke 9:23). It is only a couple who is ready to practice self-denial in marriage that can operate by the principle of Christ-like love and Godly submission in marriage. The husband must ask himself, 'Can I die to self in order to give my wife true Christlike love?' The wife must ask herself, 'Can I die to self so as give my husband real godly submission?' You must know certainly that all these are only possible for real disciples and not ordinary church goers or carnal," he stated.
He also said that discipleship or spiritual commitment becomes increasingly demanding as Christians grow in grace and in spiritual maturity.
He added that:"So, if you and your spouse are not mutually committed to Christ, either of you will stand in opposition to the demands that discipleship makes on the other. You will tend to see the demands of discipleship as a heavy Christian burden and hinder your spouse from serving God actively. Your ability to give marital pleasure and fulfillment to your spouse lies greatly in your readiness to deny yourself and make a lot of sacrifices for your spouse but this can never be possible for anyone who is not a disciple."
Pastor Hulda stated that marriage entails many difficulties (issues, situations and circumstances) that can only be properly handled by spiritually matured couples who have undergone proper discipleship, explaining that is why marriage is otherwise tagged "for better for worse."
"Different trials of life will manifest in your marriage in order to test the level of your faith, dedication and commitment to God. If you are not a disciple who is also Spirit filled, the union will break up or hit the rock sooner than expected. Marital blissfulness and fulfillment can only be guaranteed by the spiritual growth and maturity of a couple and this can only be achieved through discipleship.
As a man, you must be spiritually mature to handle and cope with plethora of marital problems. As a woman, you must be spiritually mature to handle and cope with myriads of marital pressures including church activities, societal activities/ceremonies (naming. wedding, funerals, etc.) children upbringing, household duties, job demands, work stress, financial obligations, parenting challenges and academic challenges among others. Your spiritual maturity, derived through discipleship goes a long way to determine whether you will be a victor or a victim, a winner or a loser of marital challenges," he explained.
He said a spiritually immature brother will find it difficult to handle and cope with some pressures and responsibilities of marriage such as adequate finances, crisis management, leadership, decision making, and others, saying that all these will directly or indirectly take a toll on his spiritual life.
"It is more likely for a woman's spiritual level to drop after some years of marriage due to child care, household chores, work pressures and other demands. Hence, a Christian sister who is not spiritually sound and mature before marriage may experience spiritual 'burnt out' after some years in marriage. Your spiritual level or quality will attract the same type of partner to you in marriage, then you will have the practical experience and understanding of all that we are emphasizing now," he said.